Our lives tend to be surrounded by people, the majority of which we choose for ourselves. We have our partners, our friends, our family (both biological and chosen), our coworkers, our bosses, our clients, our customers, the people at the nail salon, the people where you get your hair done, your people that you know through various hobbies that you engage in, the list goes on. As a metaphysical person, I like to be around people I vibe with.
You hear a lot about red flags in people, but today I am going to talk about a few green flags. We often think about how we don't want to feel around people, but today I want to focus on how we do want want to feel around people, or at least how I prefer to feel around people. I have been around a lot of red flag behavior, and the more I experience green flag behavior, the more I love it. Once I learned to calm my nervous system, I began to look to surround myself with people who soothe my nervous system. This is not to say that my nervous system is always calm, as I have spent much of my life stuck in fight, flight, freeze and fawn. Thanks to C-PTSD, getting into rest and digest takes effort. Sometimes great effort.
That being said,
Green Flag #1: They soothe your nervous system.
You feel safe with them, and are easily able to rest and just be. With anxiety and/or C-PTSD we can be on edge, and if we spill something or break something or even just feel like we messed something up, we may get angry, want to cry, or maybe even begin to beat ourselves up. It brings out that wounded part of the inner child that might have gotten yelled at over every little thing. Green flag behavior lets you know that it's no big deal and helps you laugh it off and take yourself a little more lightly. It is loving and soothing, letting you know that mistakes are normal and it doesn't change the way they see you or feel about you.
Green Flag #2: You can be fully you.
Not only can you be who you are, but their level of acceptance of you and all of the parts of you helps you to become even more yourself. Parts of yourself come to life in ways they didn't feel safe to around other people. Society, and sometimes other authority figures, likes to try to tell us who to be and who we can't be. This doesn't mean we have to listen to them, but all too often we do...at first. Not being true to ourselves can cause us to reach a boiling point. Those of us open to growth and healing at that level will come back to ourselves. Those that are not will build up resentment against the rest of us that are trying to be true to ourselves. Ben Cole Edwards posed a question on his Tik Tok. He asked, "For all of you people pleasers out there, how many people are actually pleased with you?" That got me to thinking. The people that are most pleased with me are the ones that I don't have to try to please. They are pleased with me showing up in my authenticity and just being. They encourage me to be more me by being accepting of every piece of me that I express.
Green Flag #3: You feel free.
You can feel free in relationship (friendship, romantic, or otherwise) when you are encouraged to be you, to chase your dreams, your goals, and your passions. You feel free when you tell someone, "I don't know why, but I am feeling like I need to get to a beach." and their response is either, "Go! Have fun!" or "Do you want me to go with you?" or "Let's go!". If you tell them, "I think it would be so much fun to try painting." and they start sending you resources for art classes near you. Sometimes they just know you well enough and know you love doing musical theater and send you any auditions they come across. You build each other up and accept each other where you are.
Green Flag #4: You laugh a lot.
Laughter is joy out loud, and we should do it as much as we can. When you find that you laugh a lot with someone, that can definitely be a green flag. There is a freedom in a relationship where you can be silly and goofy, and you end up cracking each other up. It is a sign that you are comfortable in that space with that person. If you are belly laughing a lot that makes the green flag neon green. You should be able to be open and playful and silly with those you re close to.
Green Flag #5: You trust them.
You know they will be lovingly honest and real with you. You know they wouldn't do anything to hurt or harm you in any way. You know they are loyal to you. You know they want the best for you, but will also not push you to do things differently or their way if it doesn't feel right for you. They are caring with you and caring with other people. You trust them, and they trust you.
These are just a few of the big ones that came to mind for me. What are some of your green flags that you notice in the relationships around you? What are some of the green flags you would like to see more of in the relationships around you?
