Anger

 

    Anger is a secondary emotion. Beneath it lies emotions such as hurt, frustration, injustice, fear, sadness, betrayal, or even grief. I remember the anger I felt when I saw someone close to me being abused. I remember the validation I felt the first time someone got angry about the abuse I had endured. As I dug into my healing journey, I began to feel angry about things that I had endured. Things little me had endured. I brushed it off for a long time as no big deal until I began to have nieces and nephews at the ages where I endured certain abuses and it was then that I realized that it really was wrong. It wasn't "no big deal". That's when the anger came. My anger was a sign that I was learning to love myself. I was angry that I allowed myself to be treated certain ways, angry at the betrayal of those I trusted. I was angry at the people who made me feel like I was too much or not enough, when who I truly am is who I need to be to accomplish what I am meant to accomplish and who I need to be for those who are meant to be around me. I was angry that I had to fight so many battles to excel, and sometimes to merely exist. I have had to fight to have a voice. I have had to fight to fully step into who I am meant to be. I have had to fight to just be. 

    Each of those fights, each battle, required recovery time afterwards. Sometimes I would have to run and hide to get it. Sometimes I just had to push through exhaustion. Now, I have boundaries. Now, I can allow myself the recovery time needed. Now, I have people to turn to, safe people, who relax my nervous system. Now, I know how to process through anger and not project it. That is the important thing to know about anger. It's valid and it needs to be processed through. Without processing through it, it gets projected onto those we care about most. Those who care about us the most. Vengeance can be a great motivator, but it is no way to live. The best revenge is a life well lived. 

    Process through your pain. Give yourself time to recover from the battle. Love on yourself. If you have a safe person in your life, let them love on you, too. Connection can be magical and healing. Allow yourself the comfort, rest, support, and care that you need and desire. It's okay.